The twist

I think it feels like December will never end. You know, the beginning of the winter season, where the faint clash of snow and raindrops in the air, the type of combination that pings off the window pane. The pitter patter, the rush of wind that effortlessly begun to stir, time slowing down.

It was that gentle harmony, the effervescent sound of water vapour and cumulus material stuck to dust, rushing down to earth, merging with urgency and yet somehow, grace. The air was as thick as I had ever seen, and yet I had no desire for anything or anyone else.

The sky was turning that pale yellow, the off-white reflecting off the streets. It was only 4:30 in the late afternoon, and yet it was turning dark quickly. Maybe that was foreboding of what was to come, but maybe I was reading into this too much?

The earth never deserved us, our callous, cruel senses that assault nature at all costs. Our capitalistic desire for more, where nothing is ever enough. Even you. Why do I want more? At what cost? It comes from inside, that feeling of discontent. We know this, but why?

Snow, rain, or sleet are simply clouds rebelling against staying above us in the sky. And what of human emotion—are we wired to view others through the same lens, rebelling against what we know would be good?

Hannah Arendt always described humanity and human dignity as what distinguishes people beyond systems or ideologies. When you really think about it, we are in a simulation - where dignity is only as fragile as the last like on a social media post. 

The beginning of snow is starting to pile on the window frame. The sky is now a dark ink, and the street lights have turned on. We cannot be in a simulation, or why would I feel a desire for nostalgia, for that feeling of when everything was better? We were younger? I was happier?

Please stay, don't go, I am here now. Please stay, don't go, I am here now.

The air is cold

It's about time I realized that what I've wanted is where I used to be.
The scraping of the city that dulled my ears when I drove to school everyday.
The cold door slam of the arena door as I left the Oval in pitch dark night, dragging my tired soul to parking lot eleven.

The air is cold, the wind brings upon a shuddering chill. It was the season between fall and winter, where the air is cold enough for snow, but the heavens haven't released their flurry of offerings. After a long class dealing with macroeconomics and global supply and demand, I hastily pack up my books and head across campus. I'm about to walk to my car, probably see a fresh ticket on my windshield, when I catch the eye of this girl about twenty five feet to my right, entering MacEwan student centre.
She's beautiful. Just below shoulder length brown hair, and the most gorgeous brown eyes I've ever seen. I recognized her, it was like I tried to place her in my mind but I could not realize where we had met. I shuffled a little faster to get to the door after her, before it closed. We entered the student centre together, my mind racing to try to place her.

Later we would agree that my nervousness in approaching in her, and her realizing that this guy was following her, would make her turn around and approach me.
"Do I know you? I think I've seen you before." She smiled, she was genuine.
Now as a warning to others out there to NOT reply like me, my response was rather ridiculous.
"Yeah, I'm Tyler, we should kick it like a field goal." She kind of gave me a poker face, then her brilliant white teeth began to shine.

Trains.

Click-clack click-clack, we speed down the track.
We lean back, our hands folded together, our eyes near, searching.
We wander.
The pull of your glowing eyes draws your knees beside my own, colliding gently.
You grin, sheepishly, a faint ember of a smile that lights up each side of your face, creating a gentle laugh.
A passenger across from us shoots a look at us, betraying distaste at our obvious sparks of attraction.
The whirring of the train and the blurring of the lights we pass are perfect.
Suspended time. In a train car. With you.

This feeling

Talk to me
Talk to me, tell me what you're feeling

It's not what I'm feeling, its what I'm remembering
Spoken rhythm emphasized by the way my name rolls off your tongue
The eyes that hold, shrivel, and decompose
Bitter words, broken trust
Let's take that drink and make tonight that night
Like where we were together back in May,
Easy go, free Monday through Friday
When you were the one that laid close to me

We touched for that very first time there
The scent of a Friday night, early dusk, a little fright
Holding hands for the very first time under the streetlight
In love with this moment, swayed by this feeling
Swirling, wrapping you up, grabbing on to your heart
Pulling you down, now, there, goodbye

Do you ever feel like the one?
Drinking by the stairs under the fading sun
Drinking for two, reduced by one
Wake up, coffee and juice,
Remembering you, what happened to you
I don't know where we are going now
I don't know where we are going now
You made me feel like the one.

Let's take this.

Hold this and never let go.
"youre so foreign (L) it's cute"

Fantasy

It's you and me
Tantalizing, arousing, spinning
Illustrative, enraptured, cognoscenti
Whirling, staggering, equanimity
The weight of your heart on my shoulders.
Dreaming, swirling, tempting,
Contumaciously we hold this.
Unanticipated, breathtaking, unforeseen
Desultory, overwhelming, captivating
We deliquesce.

Unpredictable seas.

You keep me hanging on, practically pulling me in
Pushing my thoughts out, let me take ahold of you
Grasp my hands, break me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
After all, without us, without this,
We'll be doing these circles in distress
So keep me hanging on, when I'm around you
I'm totally all that you know is right
Your heart says yes, your head says stay tonight
You're everything that excites me
Could this be out of sight, for you to be the only one
I would take a shot on.
Let's push your back onto this cold hard pavement
Remove this barrier of predictability, I'm hoping to
Make this out of line, break you down with
Intertwined fingers and my vulnerable emotions
You're not the only one girl, and you won't be the last
But I'm willing to sail onto the seas, our flag at full mast
The seas rough, tossing, unpredictable.
Like us.

Sweating palms

Remember the times at night in the truck when the air stopped
Negative emotions, trembling motions, the roar in my ears was like an ocean
Taking this drive slow wherever we go, Summertime by the New Kids on the Block
I pull myself closer to her and begin to put this in forward motion,
I gently feel you push away, my cheeks light up like a cinder rock
You continue to smile while you resist me, it stings with a shock

I stare above her and fall back into my seat, this space is too cramped
The summer heat and the gentle beat matches the shadows on the pavement
I'll try once more, I want you, I want this now, our date is stamped
She's not just the flavor of the week, I want this girl to stay
She won't put her trust into someone that might use her
I wish I could make this girl see, I don't want her to be another blur

It's a Saturday night and she's all alone and yet I'm a million miles away . . .

Last Call

The stars are the reflections of our dreams in your eyes
The way I look once, twice, you're my prize
Long drives, loud music, easy smiles
Who knew that we'd face numerous trials
I'm the proudest man living in this place
There's no other girl I would replace
I've got the girl that my 911 can't compete with
It's like its always December twenty-fifth
Repressed, tantalizing, insatiable.

Shivers up my spine crease the thoughts of my world
What I wouldn't do to make you my girl forever
Candlelight dinners, walks down the pier
It's the way you look at me, that twirl in front of my mirror
The slinky looks, sensational sense of humor
This hot and cold attitude, dreams of better days
What happened to that girl that sent me into a craze?
We're stripped, twisted, ripped away.

We make up, we get up, we let up
We're unstable, uneven, unsure
Unrepentant, unreal, insecure?
Its the three am calls, the amounts of texts
Double checks, games, girls on my cellphone
What am I doing? Where are we going?

Hands on my neck, feet on my waist
You're so pretty when you're disgraced
Its a shame to have to chalk this fall from grace
To arrive from a lie, only then we started to erase
Not being able to reach you, half truths
This is not what I asked for, not what I fell for
When you burn this perfect picture, see the door
I fold, bend, crumple through and through.

Giving it up hurts the most
Our conversation is as if talking with ghosts
Plenty of hurt inside, realizing we came that close
Rejection once again has paid its toll
And for a long while, there will be that hollow hole
To the streets, to the grass
I clasp our hands and we both laugh
Enough is enough, let us run.

Take this and swallow

I'm so paid I don't have to work to pull off another. I just take a look, if you're worth it, I'll work it; I make eye contact and pull you right over. We will get to the introductions, the teasing, the smiles; the way your eyes stare right through mine like you're running the quarter mile. I'll push you away with a laugh and you'll come back, its part of the game, another angle of attack. I'll pull you close and take your number, the chance that I'll call you later that night is never. I'll walk back to my friends, feeling your eyes heat up my back, girl you know I want it like that.
We'll pull out on town and do it up, droptop or not, we're not living it rough. I'll exchange you paying for me with a guarantee I'll make your life, that very night. I make you work for me, I'm better than your last one, to a more tolerable degree. I'm the challenge you've always wanted. We'll be so close, that our fingers will memorize the grooves of our palms. I know that's all you want.
Why is it that I can't make this work? I know I'm sweet and you are gorgeous, but where's the attraction? Lets be honest, you're just a distraction for her.
I can't get over you.
Well take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Say I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
Goodbye to love,
Well it's a ride that'll push you up
Right against the wall.

The most blunt part of you

Is the way your mouth says no, and your eyes say yes.
How can I say no to something already predetermined before?
Brilliance, luminescence, tumbling
Aftershock, destruction, uncertainty
Reawakening, comfort, unequality
Cascading, enrapturing, terrifying
Spiraling, softly
Falling
For you.

Ursa Minor

I love you.
like the sun crossing the sky,
you're the reason why
I want to take this farther.

I look at you,
like I'm staring right through you,
and I thought you should know
that you're who I pursue.

Today I fell down,
and bruised my shin with your heart
I can't believe how perfect this has been
ever since the very start.

I notice the smoothness of your skin
the way your collarbones meet Polaris
they are the wonderful part of our Ursa Minor
we glitter brighter than ever.

That sudden day
we stopped our communication
intuition and your sudden radiation
it was different, an uncalled aberration.

What glitters is gold I'm told
it seems as of late, we just unfold
its not supposed to be like this
the tide doesn't come in as far.

Remember those days we sat on that log,
our affection just went just so far
starry eyed in that fog I swear!
you''ll make it through, I promise.

I touch you once,
I touch you twice, I won't let go at any price;
I needed you now, like I needed you than
You always said we'd meet again.

The crunching of your steps
we don't see eye to eye
the way you shudder at goodbye
the look over your shoulder
I realize you couldn't be any colder.

-Tyler Stunna-

Apart from your heart, we have nothing together

I settle myself. I am all you ever wanted, don't you deny this. The crunch of my footsteps resounds like the silence between us. We've never reached greater heights, and we'll never shine as bright as our Christmas star. The pine needles stab me, piercing and as green as your eyes, just like the way they once were, shimmering, melting, beauty.
It's not that I don't see your heart on the floor, its just my HDTV won't display 'love is real' anymore. Why didn't you take me down and lock me up when you had the chance? I forgot, your handcuffs had no key, it was inserted into my heart. The way your teeth shine in the dark, the way your eyes survey, the ticking of hearts are just too far away. I'm so curious, just like you and me in the dark, the way your eyes don't want my heart to start (yeah my heart stops when I'm with you).
I'm so calm and reposed, let us unfold. Bright lights, bright skies, the way you always say goodbye. Like Ace of Base, you're overrated, synthetic and instrumental, and everything you thought you wanted. The flowing of marrow into my bones is a river, one we cannot paddle through. We've paddled far enough, we're on the rocks. My goodness, you're gorgeous in the sun. I'm a pulley, round and round we go, a Ferris Wheel of emotions and great dreams.
We know we are stunning, and like the climax scene of a rattling play, we are the results of the sins of attraction. I know all you want is my reaction, even when you look so beautiful on your knees. You're such a brilliant noir, a paint of a different shade, not of a specific color. You need me more than ever. I own the night, you make the stars twinkle. Well that's what I said when I first pulled you close, wasn't that supposed to be forever? I settle myself. I take a step back, I move like the greatest of beings, nothing can ever come between. I'm for sure, why can't you be this mature?
The way your skin tastes, the way the shadows fall on your face, and the way we'd be perfect in any other space bring us together. Just like the leather backing of my sofa chafes, the way I brush your straight hair from your face, we should no longer deny the greatest thought of all, you were my sweetest downfall.

-Tyler Stunna-

Thrashing Through Sheets.

Its not the way your eyes darken, nor the way your smile begins to quiver. Neither is it the way your hair drapes your face as you lay there.
Its the way we tangle and thrash, the way your eyes lock into mine, the way of sweat, frustration, and excitement collide. We thrash. We're beautiful. You are my sweetest downfall, my greatest challenge. You are the completion of my desires, can you feel this? Can you?

I don't say much. We don't need too. I like to stare and admire how your skin is just so right on your collarbones. How your legs hold back any movement. How you don't blink when you hold me. The ceiling is unwavering, is it like you, before and after we collide? The room is now dark. I can't feel the warmth of any sunshine in this room. I can feel the warmth of your heart and it fills me. I wish we were so much more than just two individuals who are mere sheet tangles. I need you, don't you see?

We thrash. In more ways just than physically. Where our emotions strive to compete with our heart.

-Tyler Stunna-

Jaded Contemplations

I vaguely glanced at a Time magazine as I patiently waited in the lobby. The nervous ticking of the elegant wall clock behind me indirectly interrupted my hurried thoughts, as I dictated the tapping of my knees in rhythm to a monotonous Sheryl Crow song. I glanced about the room in consternation; I frankly could not understand the rationale of a combining waiting room full of unhealthy, obviously ill fools and myself, who was healthy, fit, and in a hurry. The secondhand of the faded clock shrewdly pointed south, and the time expanse of which I had was deftly escaping. It is worth noting that this waiting room was a particularly sparsely populated room; in my immediate vicinity there were probably about a dozen people, certainly no fewer than 8 or 9, chatting in twos or threes.

I looked calmly around the plainly decorated and neutral coloured room and stared. Yes my knee ached, yes I was due for a checkup, and yes I clearly wanted to leave this uninviting, rather depressing facility. Suddenly, a glint of golden light sharply hit my iris, surprising me. I searched to find the object of refraction. I looked up and to the right, and what I saw caused my consistent knee jerk to swiftly discontinue. A gorgeous, raven haired girl sat behind the receptionist's desk. Her thin figure fit her relatively curvaceous frame that subtly gave slight undertones for what she contained. Her golden chain fit nicely under neck, and revealed a tanned complexion. I was in shock. I ignored the wondrous sight before my eyes and planted my eyes on the clock, feeling my cheeks burn with intense warmth from what I surely knew was her derisive glance at me.

As I realized my appointment time had expired with already a quarter of an hour ago, I politely approached the vast front desk and asked the receptionist a question.
"My appointment time was fifteen minutes ago I believe. I really have an urgent appointment to make right after."
Her eyelashes clearly flickered twice, and she replied in remarkably suave and bland (and was it cold?) tone;
"I realize this, Mr. Smith, but we're experiencing delays with a few patients. I'm sorry about this--
I calmly interrupted her and said, "I'd love to be looked at on time for a change, but no worries."
With the same fashionable, authoritative voice, she replied, "Would you like to postpone this appointment? We can do this free of charge."

I stared at her. She suddenly appeared as if to change in front of my eyes. The cold, bland stare seemed to disappear- if only for a moment, and it was replaced by a teasing, erotic smile which initiated a firestorm in my loins. I hesitated.
"Would you be able to contact me personally if you can find me an available appointment?"
She smiled warmly.
"Of course, Mr. Smith. Can I have your mobile telephone number?"
I smiled, steadily, here we go, take it easy. Leaning in, I whispered my number. She pretended to ignore the beautiful attraction that was occurring between us.
"I'll let you know when we can re-schedule Mr. Smith. Thank you for coming today." She smiled warmly at me. I smiled warmly back. I turned to leave and I saw her leaning away. I was puzzled. She was giving her number to a new girl entering the room. SHE CAN'T BE!

I stepped backwards, still watching this scene unfold from beneath my eyes. She handed my portfolio and contact papers to this new receptionist who was sitting her large, untoned body into the seat where Ms. Gracefulsexy had just sat. NO IT CAN'T BE HAPPENING. She started to laugh softly and bid adieu to the new receptionist. I took another few steps backwards, blindly one foot behind the other, in pure consternation. I couldn't believe this. I felt betrayed, shot through the heart.

My back hit the door with a resounding thud. My heart was beating too fast, my capillaries in my heart were about to explode. The arteries were clogged from my two Quarter pounders I had at lunch and I couldn't breathe... I reached my car in agony. I punched the steering wheel in pure desperation, WHY WOULDN'T she call me? As I pulled out of the lot, dropping the clutch in my car, my cell phone rang. I stopped my car, and looked at the caller ID. It was Dr. Chow's office! She WAS PHONING ME BACK!
"Mr. Smith, its Katherine from Dr. Chow's office, I'm calling to re-book an appointment."
It was not her, it was not my lover, and I was broken.
I hung up, jaded from women, once again.

-Tyler Stunna-

You Know Those Times

You know its the times that when things mean the most, that things hurt the most. The worst is when you're with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you're sitting there making out, and you know they truly just don't connect with you. You know you're physically attracted, check, they have a nice personality, check, a sense of respect, check, but what you need the most, true friendship, is missing (blank). The fact that the deepest conversation you can discuss is his newest car, or her newest pair of shoes, slightly bothers you. The fact that you truly can't tell him or her your deepest thoughts, because you just don't know them, is quite simply, the worst feeling. That's specifically why I only settle 190% for the right person, not for the person at the right time. I'm all down for having a girl with great looks, a nice personality, but if I can't get to actually know her, how can I truly like her?
Some things to think about.

-Tyler Stunna-

You're so Vain.

When you tell me the greatest part of us, is seeing old pictures, I know I can hold through this weather.
The countertops of our life are cracking. The paint is peeling. The walls of my life are closing - deep breath. The stovetop is slow to heat. Just like us when we touched and smiled at first sight.
I think the greatest part of criss cross patterns on the floor, is the knowledge that our vinyl is still slippery. We can't stare and see the sky anymore, the precipitation of our desires holds these rainclouds above us.
I don't want to write anymore, when I can see your thoughts fall off the end of my pen. Its like a failure of us, I can't stand to see occur.
You're so vain.

-Tyler Stunna-