A Decade Under the Influence

Sweet delicate creases of the folds of your skin
The half closed winter smile, the way your breath creates crystals
That threaten to freeze our thoughts entirely still
Where we're both unsure who has to make a move anymore
These are the times we live for, building rapport
Yet, its a quarter to one and I'm sick of waiting to score

You remember the time we sat in traffic for three hours
And we talked about drinking hot chocolate in front of the fire
Where the greatest flame that leaped represented our hearts
Suffocating, flickering, pulling us apart
You know what they say, you told me
All it takes is a little spark

The snowball and pillow fights make my life
The way you taunt me and go down tonight is so right
Defined, we are the innocence of captivation
Underneath it all, we feel the voices of restraint
Take it slow, take it slow, you say, You're not a Saint
Why should I let us stray once more tonight?

You know when you grin
Your tiny freckles light up all over your chin
And when you push me away I pretend I don't want to stay
You'll pout, and pretend to cry
I'll just pretend to walk right on by
You're a game I just can't deny

A decade under the influence
Ten years that went by so fast
Where the world is colored in a different contrast
When we realize this can't last;
I touch you once, I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price.

Potential deal with Elite???

After being in touch with Elite (Model Management) last summer (my rep was Janet Debrois), it appears that things are finally being put into place. I met with someone last week to talk about how feature modeling and facial vs. runway modeling works. This is so much better than my last place, Mode Models (what a joke, terribly disorganized, with no connections whatsoever). This is probably a gongshow as well, but I'm curious as to what exercise and or requirements I need to fulfill. I know I have to keep standing tall and to smile less haha.

Take this and swallow

I'm so paid I don't have to work to pull off another. I just take a look, if you're worth it, I'll work it; I make eye contact and pull you right over. We will get to the introductions, the teasing, the smiles; the way your eyes stare right through mine like you're running the quarter mile. I'll push you away with a laugh and you'll come back, its part of the game, another angle of attack. I'll pull you close and take your number, the chance that I'll call you later that night is never. I'll walk back to my friends, feeling your eyes heat up my back, girl you know I want it like that.
We'll pull out on town and do it up, droptop or not, we're not living it rough. I'll exchange you paying for me with a guarantee I'll make your life, that very night. I make you work for me, I'm better than your last one, to a more tolerable degree. I'm the challenge you've always wanted. We'll be so close, that our fingers will memorize the grooves of our palms. I know that's all you want.
Why is it that I can't make this work? I know I'm sweet and you are gorgeous, but where's the attraction? Lets be honest, you're just a distraction for her.
I can't get over you.
Well take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Say I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
Goodbye to love,
Well it's a ride that'll push you up
Right against the wall.

Worst date ever!

So I've had my fair share of dates, okay quite a few, but I just had the worst one ever this past week. To be honest, usually I don't go on dates, I make a girl work hard to even see me one on one, but last week I allowed myself to be charmed by this girl I met at a hockey store here in TO. She's quite the little beauty, seemed to be pretty funny, and goes to a University close to me. Oh and she's 5'8, my perfect height... I mine as well go for a date right, even though I don't know her.
I pick her up in my super low car, open the door, she falls right in. Conversation starts to go good, I make her laugh when I show her my music collection, the feeling is right.
We go to a sweet place I like to eat at in the GTA, near the Lake, where I was going to take her afterwards. Dynamite right? So about three minutes in, conversation takes a huge lull. I try to recover it as eloquently as I can.. but nothing works. She would barely speak and she has absolutely nothing interesting to say! I ask her about her family, and she clams up; I ask her about her courses she's taking; she answers in monosyllables and lightly talks about the boys she knows at school. I tease her but she started being cocky everytime I teased her; and worse, she stopped paying attention when I was talking. And to complete this nightmare train, she was a terrible kisser! It was like torture!
Midway through I actually downloaded and used an Iphone app that lets you call yourself. I ended a date that started at 6PM at 8PM and then went out with another girl I'm already seeing... damn.
It really reminded me that dating is a skill in and of itself and just because a girl's been on a lot of dates doesn't mean that she's going to be interesting or good on them. Even worse, is when guys who are lame enough to take girls like this out(she models at car and event shows), they let them act badly and continue to throw heaps of attention on them. I called her on it repeatedly and then faked a phone call to get away. Overall it's just amazing that a girl with this personality ever gets a second date. Never underestimate the power of male sexual desperation...ever.
Enclosed a picture of the prey we will call FAIL (the blonde on the left).

I'm not out of sight to be here tonight

The most prickly feeling in the world is pine needles rubbing against my cheekbones. The faint crack of dawn, the whoosh of a world of brightness, the unraveling of my skin from the faint creases of my bedding, serve as my wake-up call. The haphazardly thrown sweatpants that serve as my sleeping covers feel rough and gritty to my touch; its as if my future is being dictated to myself. I look through the slits at the top of the light colored fabric, our protection, our savior. The sky is a dark grey, cold and overbearing, its as if God has spilt a cup of dark tea in fierce anger, with each drop absorbing its pale, menacing darkness into the approaching clouds. The drips of rain, God's tea drops from the sky, lightly blip our tent. An irritated creature squawks and startles me, forcing one eye to slam its way open, blurring my right eye. Jeeze. What a day to be alive. I slowly begin to stretch, steadying myself in preparation for another day in these shrill, uncertain mountains; a place of which we are not accepted. I think of where we were supposed to have landed, and to the trip we were supposed to have gone, and yet..I struggle to think. It's better this way. Adjusting to my surroundings, I hear a slight rustle to my right, and I can't help but smile and stare, even as a few drops of rain beat a slight drum on our fabric roof. The roof that holds us together? God, she's beautiful. Her dark, full, hair streams back through the arch of her neck, and lands peacefully on the canvas, the torn, the uprooted ground. She opens her dark, tired, brown eyes, left one first, then the right, as if afraid to see. The chirp of a loud jay interrupts my stare, and I roll over, watching for that damn root!, and I close myself in towards her. Like a cat with its prey, she lightly grins with her half open eyes as she sees me approach, her cheeks and eyebrows tightening, her features so inviting. Her hair flickers up and over her back as she sits up, her unholy brown eyes brightening ever more, the nearer I approach. Her cheek is stained, a small, brownish muddy spot was evidence to the leaks in our, our, our.. prison. I wipe her cheek with my hand, and I notice her lips curl into a smile, systematically I swear, she's so perfect with her timing, (She'll always be that little banker!) and our lips meet. The droop of her lips is gone. The caw of a some winged creature is very near and unsettles her a tiny bit; she positively shrinks when she is in my arms. I'm the fortress for her. She's the thread that keeps our fabric together. Tip tat, tip tat, the water drips over top of us. Its a beat, a small bongo drum that mimicks our hearts, beating faster and faster. This small river of rain is soon to be a sea; a wide, regrettable sea, reminiscent of me and my Marie back in our childhood. I gnaw gently on her collarbones, holding her close, closer than I've ever wanted. Have you ever felt so alone, Marie, that you cannot speak in fear of the approaching thunder? I whisper to her. She nods, and I hold her. Thunder begins to roll.

-Tyler Stunna-

The most blunt part of you

Is the way your mouth says no, and your eyes say yes.
How can I say no to something already predetermined before?
Brilliance, luminescence, tumbling
Aftershock, destruction, uncertainty
Reawakening, comfort, unequality
Cascading, enrapturing, terrifying
Spiraling, softly
Falling
For you.

Crunch of Glass

The wind offers a refreshing chill
My stomach turns and I let out a sigh
Its hard to stare straight when you know this isn't right
I walk up to the stairs of a place I know so well
I'm afraid of what I'm going to do
Keeping my voice to a steady level
I open the door and pull her close,
This girl, she really glows

Small talk doesn't start to last
Hugs, kisses, and my pants on the floor
I look back into her eyes, grimace,
And realize I'm not going to be a boy anymore
I can't help but shake from legs to my neck
Her skin tight up against my hips
Something about this I really resist
Its not as easy as my friends made it to be
I'm awkward and I feel a heat wave rise over me
She's moving way too fast and all I wanted was to hold her

We fit in close and I let my mind tingle with shame
Steady steady, this is so right, she claims
This is the first and last time I declare
I'm not even able to think straight I'm so unaware
I tell her words that I don't even mean
It's as if her heart is unseen, and there's nothing between
What's happening now and what is routine
Your hair, it smells of smoke, desperate desires
Unhurt, uncared, the cure for
What I don't even want to follow through with anymore

The air is silent and still
I'm gasping for air and I can't see well
The lust on your face is an unappetizing sight
I just wanted to hold you and tell you its all right
Now we've past that point where I feel contrite
It used to be fairness I breathed,
But the logic in this is choking me up
I'm not ready to give it up
I'm unprepared for a life of failed relationships
You don't recover from a night like this

Your coat hangs awkwardly off the chair,
Displaced, unsure, and in disrepair
I've lost my focus, my composure,
I've had enough of this affair
This act of growing up has declared my grave
I should have known this before I gave ...
I've been a slaughter by a meaningless relationship
Fancy that, follies, lies, the taste of
I now know what its like to be alone in the cold
Dark eyes and a suit tarnished that was made out of gold

I keep my hands down at my sides
I no longer want to rise, and don't you dare tell me I'm a prize
It's hard to make motion if there's no physics to start
I'm a keeper and you used this to pick me apart
The Church where I went to had a picture of Mary in glass
Now I think I've stepped on her and cut my foot on the glass
I've strewn my foot all across the foyer
Up past the priest where he gave me away
All across the altar where I first learned to sing
I've made a grave mistake, for the 'real thing'.

You know that feeling?

You know that feeling when you remember when everything was just so right?
When you didn't want to let go of the love you had that night?
You know that feeling when you felt tingles up your spine reading Goosebumps?
When you just wanted to throw the book down but you couldn't?
You know that feeling when you got a tiny bit scared in Home Alone 1, but by Home Alone 3 you were laughing like crazy?
When you just couldn't pick between what to watch; Wishbone, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? or The Magic Schoolbus?
You know that feeling when you recorded your first crush and it felt so magical?
When you kept denying that you liked girls, when it was so the opposite?
You know that feeling of super excitement when you got Windows 95 and you played solitaire?
When you thought Sega Genesis wasn't as good as Super Nintendo?
You know that feeling of pure sadness in the Lion King when Mufasa dies?
When you couldn't pick between Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast?
You know that feeling of victory when you'd own at Headsup 7up in class?
When you finished every sentence with "NOT" and a laugh?
You know that feeling of being so content, being so young, and enjoying life outside and not around screens?
When you couldn't wait to go on a Scouts or Girl Guides camping trip?

These are the feelings of great memories.
Where would we be without them?


-Tyler Stunna-

When you're a dork like this, 2009 does it like that

I believe the greatest part of being on the earth is simply, being on the earth. I love life. I love being able to choose my own conscious decisions, my own transgressions, my own activities, and creating memories. The greatest part simply for me about living, is making a difference. I don't necessarily believe in New Years resolutions, not too many of them actually mean anything of importance or an actual goal-driven lifestyle, rather its a venue for which one can vent upon chances one wishes for their life, that won't actually require change. So instead of listing a New Years list, how about I challenge you to making a difference. Sounds hard or demanding, time or work wise? It truly isn't.

I can make a positive change easily. And so can you. Recently, since being on a Christmas break, I've been volunteering at a soup kitchen in the city where I live in. It demands an afternoon once every other week of me, and I'm glad to help. What else would I be doing anyways, reading some lame blog like this or lazing around the house on a Saturday? I really encourage everyone to try some type of volunteer work, whether it be at a food bank, or a shelter, every little bit counts. Being able to put a genuine smile on someone's face is worth its weight in gold to me, and I'm glad to be part of a positive impact on someone's life. Like kids and have no criminal record? Why don't you volunteer to be a Big Brother or a Big Sister? I've just recently applied to become a Big Brother, so I can help influence and mentor a junior highschool aged boy to become the best of his potential. Lord willing, I'll be accepted. There's nothing like taking part in someone else's life so you can positively encourage and influence them.

Okay, so you're interested in possibly volunteer work. Sounds like a lot of work to get into, right? Not true. Its as simple as picking up the phone and asking an Operator to connect you to the nearest Homeless shelter (that's what I did). Volunteer work isn't hard to find, it just takes dedication and soul, and the drive to see that your work is positively influencing someone else in a tougher situation.

-Tyler Stunna-