The feels

I crave you. 

I've never met anyone who makes me feel 

Inspired, empathetic, overjoyed 

If I said you're the wind in my sails,

Would that be an understatement?

Remember that time you laid your head on my chest and we stared at the stars on the trampoline in my backyard and we felt a connection that led us here?

I think we crave each other. 

That feeling of wanting to be with someone that overshadows all that you do

It's a high that is satisfied when you're near

When you care about someone as much as I do, 

You'd understand. 

That's why 

You

Plus

Me

Forever. 

That ship has sailed...

These thoughts have simpy never materalized in so long. 

Brand New, snowy drives, sitting in the basement dreaming of you and me. 

"I'm burning like a bridge for your body"

Who knew where life would take us?

Different cities, friends, experiences. 

Long conversations with friends over ten minute encounters. 

Small conversations that made my heart race. Sweaty palms, trying not to talk fast, stepping out and wanting more.

Funny as it was when I had whatever I wanted, I wanted what I couldn't have.

My stupid mouth. 

How foolish I seemed, the pleading text messages. 

Turn starboard captain, this was the only conquest I never could win.

I never would have thought that you'd be where you're at, while look at me!

I've got a great job, I'm grown up, I'm different than all of the other boys, can't you see?

Enough charades, less talk, more being genuine. 

You can't go it alone. 

I can't wait until I can pry that part of our life open... Again. 

And you must know that if I can't afford the crowbar to do it, forever realize that you will be the one missing out. 

The Winds

The storm was approaching quite quickly.
The wind began to pick up, dust lapping at our feet, papers beginning to toss and dance in the wind.
I stood outside and looked up at the heavens.
The sky was a dull grey and the clouds were hiding the sun, shapeless and distant, ominous and harsh.

It hit me like a rush.
That time at the cottage when we held hands and jumped off the dock,
The long drives together in the dark,
Blue Jays games, city lights, stiff air mattresses,
Endless episodes of Lost, the beginning of Mad Men,
Toronto Island, Niagara Falls, golf,
Canada's Wonderland.

If it weren't for that beautiful blonde hair and blue-green eyes...
She's not perfect, but she was so good to me.
It just hit me. Like a blow to the chest.
Cold sweat.
How could I move on?
How could I forget? Any of this?

I looked at my watch.
It glowed 3:14AM.
My head is pounding, I feel sick.
Yet I'm very awake in the dark -
Missing my mark,
Missing her.
I knew then that I had to stop the divisive fighting.
Continue loving.
Never give up.

Truth, Volume 1

It's clearly not right if it's not tonight.
Enraptured, tantalizing, seductive thoughts of us swirl around

Posing remarkable thoughts of self doubt, self deprecation, and promoting dissatisfaction
Reasons of promise, desire, the realization of failure

Let it be
Let it be

Like a long winded movie or a painful wedding

The script drags on, without ending

Is it worth knowing how exhausted I am

Of all that I know and love to feel

It's all the same

Another girl, another planet 

Everything is perfect for you they say

If that was true, why do I want what I can't have every day?

When I look anyways, when I know the path that road goes?

This is the truth, Volume 1

The hardest of all is admitting pure selfishness is my greatest downfall 

It's a war within myself

Tear this up and throw it out. Burn my letters, and forget the nights of Survivor where we'd play stranded alone on the island we called your white bed sheets, surrounded by the deep ocean of blankets, beside the beaches of white pillows. Where our sparks flying kept the small fire burning and the unstable, wooden raft of emotions provided our only escape. We knew to keep our thoughts away from the white, circular patterned stucco clouds on the ceiling which always came rushing down upon us - you knew better than me where our old memories hang from. Force your smile now, make these words about you, because isn't that what I'm trying to do? Make you think, compare myself to what you wanted before we were through? Exasperate love that isn't there, make an innocent situation convoluted, because that's what we were meant to pursue. This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less, but wasn't it better before this? It's time to be brand new, be brave, spring out who you are, and be who you've never been. I'm never going to be a Doctor, but I know your heart was something special.

Later as the island washes away in the wind, I just want you to think.

If this is college, then fail me

It wasn't that long ago, now was it? Oh wait, still my life!

Rain is the closest feeling to home.

Your imaginary arms have never felt so close to my chest,
Resting, pressing your palms of your hand into mine.
The drizzling drops of water condense outside my old, dusty, window.
It seems as if the clouds have sprung a leak, billowing forth droplets
Of rain, of tears, of feelings.
Where are you tonight?

I clutch old letters as tight as my hands will allow ... I wish your skin wrapped itself around my fingers, your breath on the nape of my neck.
The bright calm of the still early dawn keeps my eyes from drifting asleep,
Like a cold dark coal, it seals up all warmth, everything I've wanted ...
From you ...

It's only then, at the time where I've wanted you the most, I've realized
You're so far gone.

pieces of our puzzle.

This has got to be over my head
everyone knows when you can't keep up to expectations
family pressures, alcohol induced seizures, failing exam marks
constant sickness, your vanity greater than mine, congratulations
girls that can't and won't put up with the disengaging of my heart
this can't be a change from the start.

It was the beginning of how things always were,
let's now reflect and allow our minds to wander
it's the teas on a warm evening.
its the hugs that make me feel that I matter.
its the dinner dates and drives, drive-thru's and dancing.
in the laughter in their eyes that can melt a coal heart.
movie nights while holding hands.
guitar strings ringing at 3 am.

You know what's the craziest feeling? No matter what happens I'm here for that someone.

I guess through metaphors, I am trying to tell someone I love them.
without the pieces, the puzzle is just...pieces.
and would you believe it? I feel complete.
life is too short to always be rushing us through.

(credit to Lisa-Marie Hasiuk for most of this)

The most blunt part of you

Is the way your mouth says no, and your eyes say yes.
How can I say no to something already predetermined before?
Brilliance, luminescence, tumbling
Aftershock, destruction, uncertainty
Reawakening, comfort, unequality
Cascading, enrapturing, terrifying
Spiraling, softly
Falling
For you.

Ursa Minor

I love you.
like the sun crossing the sky,
you're the reason why
I want to take this farther.

I look at you,
like I'm staring right through you,
and I thought you should know
that you're who I pursue.

Today I fell down,
and bruised my shin with your heart
I can't believe how perfect this has been
ever since the very start.

I notice the smoothness of your skin
the way your collarbones meet Polaris
they are the wonderful part of our Ursa Minor
we glitter brighter than ever.

That sudden day
we stopped our communication
intuition and your sudden radiation
it was different, an uncalled aberration.

What glitters is gold I'm told
it seems as of late, we just unfold
its not supposed to be like this
the tide doesn't come in as far.

Remember those days we sat on that log,
our affection just went just so far
starry eyed in that fog I swear!
you''ll make it through, I promise.

I touch you once,
I touch you twice, I won't let go at any price;
I needed you now, like I needed you than
You always said we'd meet again.

The crunching of your steps
we don't see eye to eye
the way you shudder at goodbye
the look over your shoulder
I realize you couldn't be any colder.

-Tyler Stunna-

Apart from your heart, we have nothing together

I settle myself. I am all you ever wanted, don't you deny this. The crunch of my footsteps resounds like the silence between us. We've never reached greater heights, and we'll never shine as bright as our Christmas star. The pine needles stab me, piercing and as green as your eyes, just like the way they once were, shimmering, melting, beauty.
It's not that I don't see your heart on the floor, its just my HDTV won't display 'love is real' anymore. Why didn't you take me down and lock me up when you had the chance? I forgot, your handcuffs had no key, it was inserted into my heart. The way your teeth shine in the dark, the way your eyes survey, the ticking of hearts are just too far away. I'm so curious, just like you and me in the dark, the way your eyes don't want my heart to start (yeah my heart stops when I'm with you).
I'm so calm and reposed, let us unfold. Bright lights, bright skies, the way you always say goodbye. Like Ace of Base, you're overrated, synthetic and instrumental, and everything you thought you wanted. The flowing of marrow into my bones is a river, one we cannot paddle through. We've paddled far enough, we're on the rocks. My goodness, you're gorgeous in the sun. I'm a pulley, round and round we go, a Ferris Wheel of emotions and great dreams.
We know we are stunning, and like the climax scene of a rattling play, we are the results of the sins of attraction. I know all you want is my reaction, even when you look so beautiful on your knees. You're such a brilliant noir, a paint of a different shade, not of a specific color. You need me more than ever. I own the night, you make the stars twinkle. Well that's what I said when I first pulled you close, wasn't that supposed to be forever? I settle myself. I take a step back, I move like the greatest of beings, nothing can ever come between. I'm for sure, why can't you be this mature?
The way your skin tastes, the way the shadows fall on your face, and the way we'd be perfect in any other space bring us together. Just like the leather backing of my sofa chafes, the way I brush your straight hair from your face, we should no longer deny the greatest thought of all, you were my sweetest downfall.

-Tyler Stunna-

Take Apart Your Head

Goodbye to love,
Well it's a ride that will push you up
Right against the wall
Take apart your head
Right against the wall
Chew it up and swallow it

You burnt bright but you run out
I fell asleep at the incline
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right

Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Say, "I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in"
Well when we were made we were set apart
But life is a test and I get bad marks
Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins
The storm is coming, the storm is coming in.

-Tyler Stunna-


Credit goes to Brand New for its lyrics which are contained in this entry.

Lights.

It seems like the sun has gone away
You don't want want to smile today
The air is a path we travel
Our skylines, over our cities
We don't see that you unravel

Turbulence and foreign air
Club fares and open wounds that tear
Our synthesized state of disrepair
We know this isn't where we belong
My neck tingles all too long

I know this face like the back of my hand
It was like we had this planned
Your warm embrace creates a smile
If only you were here, you're so worthwhile
Turn off these sights, I don't enjoy these heights
But darling, I love these lights.

-Tyler Stunna-