It's a war within myself

Tear this up and throw it out. Burn my letters, and forget the nights of Survivor where we'd play stranded alone on the island we called your white bed sheets, surrounded by the deep ocean of blankets, beside the beaches of white pillows. Where our sparks flying kept the small fire burning and the unstable, wooden raft of emotions provided our only escape. We knew to keep our thoughts away from the white, circular patterned stucco clouds on the ceiling which always came rushing down upon us - you knew better than me where our old memories hang from. Force your smile now, make these words about you, because isn't that what I'm trying to do? Make you think, compare myself to what you wanted before we were through? Exasperate love that isn't there, make an innocent situation convoluted, because that's what we were meant to pursue. This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less, but wasn't it better before this? It's time to be brand new, be brave, spring out who you are, and be who you've never been. I'm never going to be a Doctor, but I know your heart was something special.

Later as the island washes away in the wind, I just want you to think.

Simply falling.

Simply falling for you makes me want to be 17 forever.
Kind of like the Metro Station song, but more so because of the waves of feelings that wash over me.
The part where you close your eyes, and you just remember your past, parts of your mind that you tried to block out (hold me back, I can't keep this in)
Your first kiss, your heart beating when you first held hands, the one mistake you made forever
That one night where you did something you've always wanted, the infatuation and I love you's, the part where you two danced the night away

It's not just the fact that you made this together, you were naive young and so was I, your first cuddle in the dark, the one night where you just wanted everything to be all right, the sense of disrepair as you know exactly where to take me

Sheets in unfashionable array, staring into your eyes at midnight, Taylor Swift singalongs and Twilight, early hockey games at seven thirty, choking out your cutting words in our fight, so into you that it hurts to breathe, knowing you won't be able to sleep this off tonight

It's the sinking feeling in the air that you won't be the same after me.
Let's get away from this all, Lasalle or Lowville Park,
Back to the basics, no more question marks
Let's make this right, you won't be this age forever
Tell me the chance hasn't passed us by,
Cause girl the stars have never shined so bright
Slowly...

Falling Apart.

Heat escapades

Just like a dream immerses you, wraps you tight, brings nightmares to reality
We collide, spin, entangle ourselves.
I awake, my heart lightly beating within my chest.
Shutters opened a small peek allow me to see the light of our early morning
Your hair dances in the dusty glow of the unlit room,
Our hands draped together, crisscrossed fingers and hands on my shoulders,
The knowing feeling that we're only about to get warmer.

The faint glimmer in your eyes reveals your morning awakening.
You yawn, pull yourself closer, and we brush cheeks
Your beautiful dark eyes, and the traces of long lost sleep fold over you
Causing silent heat waves to simmer below our covers.
Maybe I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you reaching out for me, I'm reaching out for you.
I want to stay like this forever.

Getting the chills

It's been two years later, and it's deja vu.
You learn to love and learn to move on too.
You can't take what you've learned until you've put it into application.
You can't be the person who stands up and tells people what to do, even if you're a preacher, until you follow your own words and do it yourself.
Twice in one month I've learned to love and let go of myself - there's more to this world than what we can see.
In so many way, relationships are a great mystery,
The first dance where you get to know each other, where you hide parts that you feel insecure or unsafe showing (If I told the truth on everything we wouldn't work out, would we?)
The second dance where you truly get to know each other (I swear I can go on forever)
The third dance is where you learn to work through each other's differences (Please let me know that my one bad day will end)
And the final fourth dance is where you learn to love each other (I'm lost without you).

And I think these truly sum up what we go through, as humanity.
Now this isn't a rule, and definitely isn't a guideline for how relationships work.
Deftly we work our way through our feelings of discontent for the sake of passion.
Remembering life lessons, like it was taught in school, is a good way to move on.
Easy does it, easy does it.
Always be prepared though to be hurt, whenever you are prepared to hit the runway.

I don't always say this, but I never thought I would be the one saying these things.
Seriously, don't we understand the damage constantly picking up and moving on does?

Adorable.

"When we're with someone we think we'll be with forever, our thinking is so two-dimensional -- we see life in terms of "before" and "after" this person. I think what makes heartbreak and loss so hard is the stretching of your mind to include three dimensions instead of two -- forever always existed, just different than you imagined it. It's like when you're walking down a staircase and you think there's one more step so you step down, and your foot collides with the wood floor -- hard. It was always there. You just never saw it. You couldn't. The harshest realization? Humans can control a lot of things... but not all".
- AR

The air is cold

It's about time I realized that what I've wanted is where I used to be.
The scraping of the city that dulled my ears when I drove to school everyday.
The cold door slam of the arena door as I left the Oval in pitch dark night, dragging my tired soul to parking lot eleven.

The air is cold, the wind brings upon a shuddering chill. It was the season between fall and winter, where the air is cold enough for snow, but the heavens haven't released their flurry of offerings. After a long class dealing with macroeconomics and global supply and demand, I hastily pack up my books and head across campus. I'm about to walk to my car, probably see a fresh ticket on my windshield, when I catch the eye of this girl about twenty five feet to my right, entering MacEwan student centre.
She's beautiful. Just below shoulder length brown hair, and the most gorgeous brown eyes I've ever seen. I recognized her, it was like I tried to place her in my mind but I could not realize where we had met. I shuffled a little faster to get to the door after her, before it closed. We entered the student centre together, my mind racing to try to place her.

Later we would agree that my nervousness in approaching in her, and her realizing that this guy was following her, would make her turn around and approach me.
"Do I know you? I think I've seen you before." She smiled, she was genuine.
Now as a warning to others out there to NOT reply like me, my response was rather ridiculous.
"Yeah, I'm Tyler, we should kick it like a field goal." She kind of gave me a poker face, then her brilliant white teeth began to shine.

If this is college, then fail me

It wasn't that long ago, now was it? Oh wait, still my life!

Nothing can save us from the fallout

A heart that's full up like a landfill,
a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won't heal

For a clean break, nothing can save me
From your lack of touch to the weight of your words
I learned this the hard way, and I realized that when things are going great, the harder you will get hurt
It's 2AM and I lost a friend, now save me, I'm calling for you
You've got out of my head, and I don't know who to turn too
I want you to know, I've got this strange condition
Of what I want you to know,
Of what you've done to me
Of what I've finally let go

It's not that I felt weak when things were piling up and up and out control
I tell myself this hurt will disappear the longer you're away from here, while I'm stuck in this hole
Can't you see that I am weak when I am lost without you?
Can't you see that I am scared?
Hear me, I'm sure I've changed for you, too late I know

We step one through three, back to the bar, free shots all night until the light shines on the walls
The same walls where I put your back into the plaster, where our laughs kept up the neighbors,
Where we made that night last forever
The slow dances, the wedding toasts to best friends starting on a new life together
I remember promising myself we'd be on that podium one day later,
I promised, I promised
I know my eyes can't shut like they used too, I even washed my sheets because they felt like you

There is no second chances, and I know I've learned a lesson
Don't be afraid to take second chances, why end something so good for the sake of pride so shallow?
And we begin all over again, finding that someone, but right now I can't think of another pretty girl when it's your ghost hovering in my brain, your heart grasping mine, mine, mine
Now we're lying alone on our back, the ceiling screaming down upon us
I'm breathing in ragged short stops, while you're crying in that pretty white dress
That dress once white is now black, like the darkness of your hair, your heart

I think it honestly all boils down to insecurity
Because if you feel insecure about yourself, how are you supposed to deal with
Insecurities and the fears of others?
You can't, because it's like teaching geography when you think the earth is flat
In the same way, when you don't call or try to reach me
I can't deal with you and your games, as lame as that may be
We're supposed to be dating and you're out with what's his name
It's an hour past that I've been waiting for you, now whose to blame?
You would make this so easy, because it's all so logical,
Unfortunately the heart never chooses where it wants to follow
Well I love you so much but do me a favor, baby, don't reply