Crickets in the Muskoka's

Crickets chirp, sporadically and repetitively.

The stale, sickeningly hot air, keeps beads of pespiration

From running off of my forehead.

The moon illuminates a tiny shadow of this room;

It's as if my fears resemble the monster in my closet.

It's been one year, undeniably quick, but one year

Since I've moved and packed up my life

For a place so much different, and perfect

I think of the people I've met, the friends I've

began to make, and my heart soars.

You know that feeling of you've looked for

Something or someone for a long time -

now, finally now, you have it?

I'm still searching for that.

Connections, protections, and conditions make

Our bonds secure.

Lana Del Rey

She speaks words that only people who have strong emotions will understand

That gritting in your eyes before you want to cry

The knot in the bottom of your stomach

Twisting, twisting, sickening

It's all better in your head 

When you you're lying on your bed knowing things will never be the same

Too much to drink, girls all around

Bad decisions, bad decisions, bad decisions 

That ship has sailed...

These thoughts have simpy never materalized in so long. 

Brand New, snowy drives, sitting in the basement dreaming of you and me. 

"I'm burning like a bridge for your body"

Who knew where life would take us?

Different cities, friends, experiences. 

Long conversations with friends over ten minute encounters. 

Small conversations that made my heart race. Sweaty palms, trying not to talk fast, stepping out and wanting more.

Funny as it was when I had whatever I wanted, I wanted what I couldn't have.

My stupid mouth. 

How foolish I seemed, the pleading text messages. 

Turn starboard captain, this was the only conquest I never could win.

I never would have thought that you'd be where you're at, while look at me!

I've got a great job, I'm grown up, I'm different than all of the other boys, can't you see?

Enough charades, less talk, more being genuine. 

You can't go it alone. 

I can't wait until I can pry that part of our life open... Again. 

And you must know that if I can't afford the crowbar to do it, forever realize that you will be the one missing out. 

The Winds

The storm was approaching quite quickly.
The wind began to pick up, dust lapping at our feet, papers beginning to toss and dance in the wind.
I stood outside and looked up at the heavens.
The sky was a dull grey and the clouds were hiding the sun, shapeless and distant, ominous and harsh.

It hit me like a rush.
That time at the cottage when we held hands and jumped off the dock,
The long drives together in the dark,
Blue Jays games, city lights, stiff air mattresses,
Endless episodes of Lost, the beginning of Mad Men,
Toronto Island, Niagara Falls, golf,
Canada's Wonderland.

If it weren't for that beautiful blonde hair and blue-green eyes...
She's not perfect, but she was so good to me.
It just hit me. Like a blow to the chest.
Cold sweat.
How could I move on?
How could I forget? Any of this?

I looked at my watch.
It glowed 3:14AM.
My head is pounding, I feel sick.
Yet I'm very awake in the dark -
Missing my mark,
Missing her.
I knew then that I had to stop the divisive fighting.
Continue loving.
Never give up.

Perfection

I don't think I've ever had a better night. She knows about everything.

Truth, Volume 1

It's clearly not right if it's not tonight.
Enraptured, tantalizing, seductive thoughts of us swirl around

Posing remarkable thoughts of self doubt, self deprecation, and promoting dissatisfaction
Reasons of promise, desire, the realization of failure

Let it be
Let it be

Like a long winded movie or a painful wedding

The script drags on, without ending

Is it worth knowing how exhausted I am

Of all that I know and love to feel

It's all the same

Another girl, another planet 

Everything is perfect for you they say

If that was true, why do I want what I can't have every day?

When I look anyways, when I know the path that road goes?

This is the truth, Volume 1

The hardest of all is admitting pure selfishness is my greatest downfall 

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a foggy night and you were way too close to my heart to be this far away.
You know when you've had a long day, and you're walking inside the door of your house and relief washes over you knowing that you're home, you're safe, time to relax? You remember, you kick back your feet, put on the kettle, rummage through the cupboards to put food on the table? A few texts to friends, chatter from the TV, all noise to distract one's self as part of the routine.
You're the same way to me. A delectable, beautiful feeling. Comforting. Perfect routine.

You know what? It's been too long, come home now. I mean it, I really do.
The mind goes into overdrive left unchecked; the long drives home, the subway clacking, cars honking, faint wail of an ambulance, city life. The beginning of the end when snow begins to fall.

Not that I should be afraid, oh no.
Fear is whatever we allow ourselves to be intimidated by. But it is that feeling when you're very alone, about to close your eyes at night, the lonely thoughts creep into our mind that we deny even exist. We buy pets, fancy cars, and shop at stores we can't afford, while we accept more hours at work. All the while we forget what was once most important to us. That feeling of contentment.

And in some way I don't feel it's fair to say that you or I would be content simply because of one person, because in all honesty, that is a great amount now of pressure on that special someone to make you content. It is simply impossible to make somebody happy all the time.
This being said, once you can dig down within yourself, whether it's lying drunk, face up on a stranger's bed after a night at the bar, or sitting alone at a dinner table set for one, being content starts within. Because only then, can the journey set sail with another special person.

Let us think more of how we can be better well rounded individuals, people that genuinely inspire others. Because once we realize our intricate value, and what we can offer to others, only then can we appreciate someone who recognizes these traits and accepts you for them. And loneliness? It fades fast, right?