You're crazy, I'm crazy for you

Sometimes putting things on paper makes things easier to feel.
And isn't that what we are, living breathing forums of feelings?

I love European music.
You're crazy for the most local indie underground bands
I'm all about Edward Maya, Dash Berlin, and a State of Trance
You're singing the latest rounds on a greasy bar stage
a crowded room, a loud table at the back
drifting smoke wafting through the air,
intoxicating, in your veins, choking you up
if it's not despair, it's just you reaching out
for what you want, someone to hold you close, tell you
it's going to be alright
Why keep running, leaving a trail of mistakes behind
night after night?

We, we were lost
This, walk of pain
I miss you so much, now I call again

So different in so many ways
you're into plays and honestly you couldn't care less
about fashion, sports, or the latest cars
we're so different, but we have one thing in common
a mutual agreement, from a thousand different arguments
we can't fight us anymore
I don't mind you under my skin, I don't find it irritating

Europe 2011

Vices of the heart;

I was born to be different. Crash into me, pull your waves into me. Wash over me, you're a tidal wave, you're a big surprise. The scent of your skin fills me with happiness, if this is how I have to learn to love, so be it. Fingers, chapped lips, breezes that roll back my skin, delicate dances in the dark. I was born to feel the slightest withdrawal from your heart, I'm programmed to miss your voice. Half of me won't let me keep loving you, I was raised to avoid this loneliness that has settled in, show me another way to feel your warmth of your flesh. I'm fine putting your picture on my wall, but I won't stop it if it decides to fall.

This just goes out to way too many shots at the bar, unsober thoughts in my car, we go slow when we first make our moves, lying awake thinking of how I hold you. I'd put you onto your back in your bed like you had given your very last breath; make you scream my name in the only way you can. You can beat me with your angry words until your throat runs out, but remember, it's just words that are empty, isn't that right?

It's 2004 and this part is perfect, it's not the slight rain outside or the dark in your room, it's the falling for every empty word I say. It's the music that slightly fades away, your bareness of your skin, the impropriety of these sins. Why is it that I think too much, when the past is only the future with the lights on?

Gripping my empty shirt, balance my words with the games you play. Life is not for fun and fame, it's the disintegration of the heart, held by the strength of your words when you were single, ready to play. It's like yeah, I'm sure these problems will last more than the weekend, but I'm not scared to see where this goes, cause this is fucking incredible.

Driving south paints the yellow lines with a hazy glow while the dying sun is fading in my rear window. And these times that I know, no matter what's going to happen, don't you think we could work something out? We will concentrate on falling apart, because that's what I'm made to do, produce and corrupt wonders like you.

I love you so much, but do me a favor baby, don't reply

Speaking from the other side of the heart

Every feeling that we get
When you're home alone, with your worst thoughts on your mind
When you can't miss anyone anymore
And when your thoughts can't seem to look up
After every hit we take
Every personal insult we laugh off and try to shake
The very people you smile at, but wish left your life
They hurt

This isn't supposed to be pretty or creative writing
It's simply powerful and expresses the bitterness we feel
You know that crazy feeling that just builds and builds
That gives you a rush of pure anxiety and is deep within you
The one where you want to lash out because of the hurt they caused you
I know that feeling, we all have that feeling
Why don't we let our thoughts for once, have meaning?
You hurt.

Suddenly

Suddenly I'm not sure anymore
If I want this to be what I thought anymore
Now isn't the time to think change, it's to pull myself closer
Early as this may be, the clouds are only getting darker
After it's all said and done, will I still be the one
Daring to pull away after coming this close?

Crunch of Glass

The wind offers a refreshing chill
My stomach turns and I let out a sigh
Its hard to stare straight when you know this isn't right
I walk up to the stairs of a place I know so well
I'm afraid of what I'm going to do
Keeping my voice to a steady level
I open the door and pull her close,
This girl, she really glows

Small talk doesn't start to last
Hugs, kisses, and my pants on the floor
I look back into her eyes, grimace,
And realize I'm not going to be a boy anymore
I can't help but shake from legs to my neck
Her skin tight up against my hips
Something about this I really resist
Its not as easy as my friends made it to be
I'm awkward and I feel a heat wave rise over me
She's moving way too fast and all I wanted was to hold her

We fit in close and I let my mind tingle with shame
Steady steady, this is so right, she claims
This is the first and last time I declare
I'm not even able to think straight I'm so unaware
I tell her words that I don't even mean
It's as if her heart is unseen, and there's nothing between
What's happening now and what is routine
Your hair, it smells of smoke, desperate desires
Unhurt, uncared, the cure for
What I don't even want to follow through with anymore

The air is silent and still
I'm gasping for air and I can't see well
The lust on your face is an unappetizing sight
I just wanted to hold you and tell you its all right
Now we've past that point where I feel contrite
It used to be fairness I breathed,
But the logic in this is choking me up
I'm not ready to give it up
I'm unprepared for a life of failed relationships
You don't recover from a night like this

Your coat hangs awkwardly off the chair,
Displaced, unsure, and in disrepair
I've lost my focus, my composure,
I've had enough of this affair
This act of growing up has declared my grave
I should have known this before I gave ...
I've been a slaughter by a meaningless relationship
Fancy that, follies, lies, the taste of
I now know what its like to be alone in the cold
Dark eyes and a suit tarnished that was made out of gold

I keep my hands down at my sides
I no longer want to rise, and don't you dare tell me I'm a prize
It's hard to make motion if there's no physics to start
I'm a keeper and you used this to pick me apart
The Church where I went to had a picture of Mary in glass
Now I think I've stepped on her and cut my foot on the glass
I've strewn my foot all across the foyer
Up past the priest where he gave me away
All across the altar where I first learned to sing
I've made a grave mistake, for the 'real thing'.