Nothing can save us from the fallout

A heart that's full up like a landfill,
a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won't heal

For a clean break, nothing can save me
From your lack of touch to the weight of your words
I learned this the hard way, and I realized that when things are going great, the harder you will get hurt
It's 2AM and I lost a friend, now save me, I'm calling for you
You've got out of my head, and I don't know who to turn too
I want you to know, I've got this strange condition
Of what I want you to know,
Of what you've done to me
Of what I've finally let go

It's not that I felt weak when things were piling up and up and out control
I tell myself this hurt will disappear the longer you're away from here, while I'm stuck in this hole
Can't you see that I am weak when I am lost without you?
Can't you see that I am scared?
Hear me, I'm sure I've changed for you, too late I know

We step one through three, back to the bar, free shots all night until the light shines on the walls
The same walls where I put your back into the plaster, where our laughs kept up the neighbors,
Where we made that night last forever
The slow dances, the wedding toasts to best friends starting on a new life together
I remember promising myself we'd be on that podium one day later,
I promised, I promised
I know my eyes can't shut like they used too, I even washed my sheets because they felt like you

There is no second chances, and I know I've learned a lesson
Don't be afraid to take second chances, why end something so good for the sake of pride so shallow?
And we begin all over again, finding that someone, but right now I can't think of another pretty girl when it's your ghost hovering in my brain, your heart grasping mine, mine, mine
Now we're lying alone on our back, the ceiling screaming down upon us
I'm breathing in ragged short stops, while you're crying in that pretty white dress
That dress once white is now black, like the darkness of your hair, your heart

I think it honestly all boils down to insecurity
Because if you feel insecure about yourself, how are you supposed to deal with
Insecurities and the fears of others?
You can't, because it's like teaching geography when you think the earth is flat
In the same way, when you don't call or try to reach me
I can't deal with you and your games, as lame as that may be
We're supposed to be dating and you're out with what's his name
It's an hour past that I've been waiting for you, now whose to blame?
You would make this so easy, because it's all so logical,
Unfortunately the heart never chooses where it wants to follow
Well I love you so much but do me a favor, baby, don't reply

The lights in life

Never had the lights shone so bright before. I remember kissing you, right then and there. The air was hot, incredibly stale. Humidity that rolled over you in waves, crashing down on our brows. Your eyes were lit up, lighting my life, revealing what you've always wanted. Sweet desire. Like we're made for this moment, tingling feelings that creep down our spines, the rush of silence minus the buzzing of the park lights. Oh so bright, wisping away the dark screams in your eyes, suffocating the space between what was real and what was a lie. I remember you telling him you wanted someone who would pull you close around anyone, without any caution to the world. Your long hair was dark and your skin white, like before we met. I'm not sure what's missing now, but I'm sure you can fix it.

Sitting by a broken tree, we made that moment never end. Every part about you, the thousand hours spent in silence, as you spilt out your life, drop by drop onto my heart. The boy that never made you happy, never made you want to get up in the morning. If he couldn't do that, why was he living?
It wasn't the garden in the park that made this moment seem too real, the harsh feel of your denim jacket on my skin, the icey feel of your skin after we finished. No one else could care for you like I do. I knew then, after that kiss, it was hard to breathe, I wouldn't give you space, would I?

You made my palms sweat, and that was rare. Normally I sweat only in final playoff hockey games, or when I lost money at the bar, unable to buy you drinks. But you made my hands feel sticky, which I love, because I feel like I'm stuck with you. Your hand on my waist made my throat feel constricted, my eyes closed tight... He never made you feel that way, when you put your hands around his waist, he never returned the affection. I watched.

You know when I tripped down the set of stairs beside the lake and fell in? Then when you went to pull me up, I dragged you in? I tripped deliberately, I needed you, right then. The shadow on your face, it went white. You began to trust me, brought someone like me right into your life. While I heard every detail of the life of your last boy, I was dreaming of being your savior. I could've drowned you, snuffed out your pretty little life. Instead, I saved you, because that's the type of person I am.

So here's my heart, and here's my mouth, let these words fill the page, and I can't help if things come out. I can't help if the parts of me that you hate, are parts I could never cut out. Because you mean that to me, your hand in mine. Hold my hand already, keep me steady? For the love you bring, over everything, you're everything I need under the sun.

When I slashed into him, my first stab sliced deep into his chest. The red river poured forth from him, rushing over my feet, running down my hands. The pooling of the red river resembled the stream of tears I carried for you, the one disaster I always prevented. The last thing on your mind is what I could be for you - but take a look at me now, I'm everything you never had. And deep down, isn't that what we've always wanted all along?

I'm down on my knees in this cold, dark cell, my heart racing, and my hands clenched like they were back in the park, all over again. Where are the lights, the ones that kept me awake at night? Muffled, gone, removed from my life. My palms aren't sweaty either, if you must know. I won't ever change if you want to stay the same. I'll be your savior, let's start over again?