Like 2009

It’s two thousand nine. 

We are doing things like you wanted too

Drake is beginning to half sing, and you look at me softly. 

I don’t have friends anymore
Not friends like you and yours

Fireworks in the back of the cab

The song girl, not the actual act

Although that would follow

Pride aside, you chose a side that wasn’t mine

I’m okay, give it time

You know late nights in the guest house 

Where we hung out until we couldn’t 

We cut ties with responsibility to make it

I thought it wouldn’t last forever

But never knew ten years would pass

You’re still a wreck and maybe so am I 

Why fight over a late night dinner 

When we both wish we were still with each other 

Now it’s a couple years later

Durham region, Marvin’s Room, pharmaceuticals 

Basement apartment, termination

I made something of myself like I told you I would

Two thousand nine was a summer that still gives me a high

The first feeling of touch

Life debates but who really gives a fuck

Now I’m aimlessly searching

Not for you

Not for anything

Well so I say to my friends who have rings

Although so do I but I won’t remember

Life in Burlington, two thousand nine  

The feels

I crave you. 

I've never met anyone who makes me feel 

Inspired, empathetic, overjoyed 

If I said you're the wind in my sails,

Would that be an understatement?

Remember that time you laid your head on my chest and we stared at the stars on the trampoline in my backyard and we felt a connection that led us here?

I think we crave each other. 

That feeling of wanting to be with someone that overshadows all that you do

It's a high that is satisfied when you're near

When you care about someone as much as I do, 

You'd understand. 

That's why 

You

Plus

Me

Forever. 

Last Christmas

Last Christmas
I gave you everything
from the very start
this year I'm with someone special

It disturbs me more than I know
to think that I lost a best friend
because we couldn't make it work
it's only now we're long gone,
and very out of touch
yet sometimes, it's the occasional text
when my mind flickers over the past thoughts
fleeting as they may be
but warm, warm, memories

Look, I don't really miss you
I never really did
it was over from the beginning
we didn't even need Christmas
to symbolize the end
don't miss me any longer
lose my number.
forever.

 Take care.

Crickets in the Muskoka's

Crickets chirp, sporadically and repetitively.

The stale, sickeningly hot air, keeps beads of pespiration

From running off of my forehead.

The moon illuminates a tiny shadow of this room;

It's as if my fears resemble the monster in my closet.

It's been one year, undeniably quick, but one year

Since I've moved and packed up my life

For a place so much different, and perfect

I think of the people I've met, the friends I've

began to make, and my heart soars.

You know that feeling of you've looked for

Something or someone for a long time -

now, finally now, you have it?

I'm still searching for that.

Connections, protections, and conditions make

Our bonds secure.

Lana Del Rey

She speaks words that only people who have strong emotions will understand

That gritting in your eyes before you want to cry

The knot in the bottom of your stomach

Twisting, twisting, sickening

It's all better in your head 

When you you're lying on your bed knowing things will never be the same

Too much to drink, girls all around

Bad decisions, bad decisions, bad decisions 

That ship has sailed...

These thoughts have simpy never materalized in so long. 

Brand New, snowy drives, sitting in the basement dreaming of you and me. 

"I'm burning like a bridge for your body"

Who knew where life would take us?

Different cities, friends, experiences. 

Long conversations with friends over ten minute encounters. 

Small conversations that made my heart race. Sweaty palms, trying not to talk fast, stepping out and wanting more.

Funny as it was when I had whatever I wanted, I wanted what I couldn't have.

My stupid mouth. 

How foolish I seemed, the pleading text messages. 

Turn starboard captain, this was the only conquest I never could win.

I never would have thought that you'd be where you're at, while look at me!

I've got a great job, I'm grown up, I'm different than all of the other boys, can't you see?

Enough charades, less talk, more being genuine. 

You can't go it alone. 

I can't wait until I can pry that part of our life open... Again. 

And you must know that if I can't afford the crowbar to do it, forever realize that you will be the one missing out. 

The Winds

The storm was approaching quite quickly.
The wind began to pick up, dust lapping at our feet, papers beginning to toss and dance in the wind.
I stood outside and looked up at the heavens.
The sky was a dull grey and the clouds were hiding the sun, shapeless and distant, ominous and harsh.

It hit me like a rush.
That time at the cottage when we held hands and jumped off the dock,
The long drives together in the dark,
Blue Jays games, city lights, stiff air mattresses,
Endless episodes of Lost, the beginning of Mad Men,
Toronto Island, Niagara Falls, golf,
Canada's Wonderland.

If it weren't for that beautiful blonde hair and blue-green eyes...
She's not perfect, but she was so good to me.
It just hit me. Like a blow to the chest.
Cold sweat.
How could I move on?
How could I forget? Any of this?

I looked at my watch.
It glowed 3:14AM.
My head is pounding, I feel sick.
Yet I'm very awake in the dark -
Missing my mark,
Missing her.
I knew then that I had to stop the divisive fighting.
Continue loving.
Never give up.